watch My first serious video

Hi!

I just joined the community and was hoping to get some feedback on a video I created. It's my first attempt at anything serious. Any critique or comment would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Jimi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLJGKd3jbhg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZLJGKd3jbhg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZLJGKd3jbhg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Great first effort! I really liked the b&w/color contrast. The only thing I had a problem with was the narration of the poetry. It seemed a little rushed at times.

Welcome to the site!

Thanks

Thanks for the response WeightOnWheels! I agree with your ideas about the poetry. It didn't come across as well as I had hoped. Thanks again for taking the time to watch it and offer your thoughts.

the poertry threw me off as well. other than that, i really dig the B&W scenes, adding the color in there kind of gave me the impression this was a highschool project or something. I really think you should have stuck with one theme, as they contrast and conflict to much to my eyes.


the black n white scenes were very nice, very indie, very underground. Would have liked to see this with some music as the background.

just my 2 cents.
good work, keep shootin!

Nice job Jimi. I really liked the speeding up of the shots of the train. Very nice work for the first time.

Looking forward to seeing your next work.

Chris