If anyone can give me some input on this I would greatly appreciate it - I just cant seem to get this scene to work to my satisfaction.
Its from a 6 page short and this is essentially the components making up ACT 2 and 3, the formatting has been screwed with. I did this on PC FD. When I open it on my mac to copy in here, everything gets screwed with so apologies for that.
I know what I want to acheive here, but the more I try to get it out the harder it seems.
The removal of shoes is a very Japanese thing - just in case your wondering.
Its from a 6 page short and this is essentially the components making up ACT 2 and 3, the formatting has been screwed with. I did this on PC FD. When I open it on my mac to copy in here, everything gets screwed with so apologies for that.
I know what I want to acheive here, but the more I try to get it out the harder it seems.
The removal of shoes is a very Japanese thing - just in case your wondering.
InT. omotesando subway station --north-- mornING
Takahiro walks, head down, along the platform. Briefcase in one hand, newspaper in the other. A train screams by him. The noise is deafening.
Collision. A body slams into him sending him reeling. His briefcase flies from his hand and bounces on the tiled platform floor. Through the noise, confusion. The newspaper still in his hand, he retrieves his case. He turns on his assailant.
A schoolgirl. MINA SAITO, 16, scrambles on her knees picking up scattered papers, reordering them. Schoolbag by her side. She's a mess. Red face, tears on her cheek.
Takahiro bends toward her.
TAKAHIRO
Let me help.
She thrusts out her hand sending him back upright.
MINA
I've got it.
She waves him away and continues to clean up the mess of white sheets. There's so many. She drags her bag in front and in a crazed flurry begins grabbing handfuls, scrunching, shoving them into her bag. She pulls the zip hard across the top. Stands, pushes on almost running him down again. He sidesteps to clear the way. He watches her move down the platform. A shake of his head and back on route.
He stops on the spot Mina was kneeling. At his feet a x-mas card which he picks up. On the cover an oversized x-mas tree with Santa sailing across it in his sled. Below Santa in bright red glittered letters - Merry Christmas -
EXT. yaMAMOTO HOUSE -- doorstep -- day
A 6 year old Erika sits on the step. In her hands is a hand drawn x-mas card. A picture of a tree with presents underneath.
Footsteps. She looks up. A fresh looking Takahiro approaches her along the path. Black suit, black brief case.
Erika jumps up with a smile and runs toward him. He places his case down and lifts her into the air as she arrives. Arms tightly around his neck. She pushes back to see his face and holds the card out.
ERIKA
Merry Christmas, Papa.
He shifts her to his hip and takes the card.
INT. oMOTESANDO SUBWAY STATION --north-- morning
Takahiro, card in hand, face hard. He turns in the direction Mina left him.
INT. oMOTESANDO SUBWAY STATION -- south -- MORNING
Mina is at the furthest end of the platform, away from the bustle, alone. Her bag at her feet. She stands a short distance to the edge.
The sound of an approaching train. It's light shines deep from within the tunnel.
Mina removes her shoes and places them neatly on top of her bag. Closes her eyes, deep breathe. The sound of the train grows closer. She opens her eyes and runs toward the platform edge. She leaps. Arms reach in and grab her pulling her back. She goes down on the tiled platform. Laying on his back beside her is Takahiro trying to pull himself up.
The pair stare at each other. The train pulls to a stop. Doors open. PASSENGERS manoeuvre around them. An announcement, train doors bang shut, it pulls away.
Mina breaks off pulling herself to her feet. She recovers her shoes and bag and moves to a passenger bench. She sits and pulls her shoes back on.
Takahiro follows and walks toward her, holding out the x-mas card.
TAKAHIRO
You dropped this.
Ignored, he lets the card fall on top of her bag and moves to sit at the far end, four seats removed from her.
TAKAHIRO (CONT'D)
What's your name?
MINA
Haven't you done enough?
TAKAHIRO
I don't know what I'm meant to do.
MINA
Getting the fuck away from me would be a good start.
She turns her back on him.
TAKAHIRO
If you were my daughter I'd want someone to talk to you.
MINA
If you were my father I'd be dead.
He sniggers. She turns to him.
MINA (CONT'D)
You find that funny?
TAKAHIRO
Not funny. Unbeleivable.
MINA
My parents don't care.
TAKAHIRO
You told them?
MINA
No.
TAKAHIRO
Maybe if they knew how you felt.
She interjects.
MINA
Maybe this isn't your problem and you should just shut up. You don't know me. Probably don't even know your own daughter.
TAKAHIRO
I did once.
EXT. yaMAMOTO HOUSE --driveway-- day
Takahiro with the x-mas in one hand, 6 year old Erika on his hip. He's smiling.
ERIKA
Open it.
He flicks the cover in his fingers. The card is written in crayon and reads - Papa, I love you. Erika. -
INT. oMOTESANDO SUBWAY STATION --north-- MORNING
Takahiro and Mina sit in silence. Takahiro breaks it with a sniffle. A tear slides down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away.
He takes up his briefcase, stands and walks, stopping in front of her. Eyes ahead.
TAKAHIRO
Go home and talk to your parents.
His head drops. He walks away down the platform. A train pulls in beside him. He glances back. She's boarding.
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