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watch First short

Hi folks,
I just shot my first short, called 106, and would love some feedback. Anything and everything, I would like to hear it. It's about 3 minutes long, and downloadable at my site:
www.moreartlessindie.com
I recommend the avi... just don't go with youtube, the audio went of sync (lame).
Thanks,
~ Paul
 
Any thoughts at all? Even one word: amazing. Genius. Life-changing. Life-changing counts as one word.
But seriously, I know it's really tiny, but I'd still like to hear responses.
 
the shooting was good enough that I didn't notice the camera; no shaking or abrupt movement ... good
the color tone fit the tone of the background audio track; spooky ... good
the overall audio quality was good; I didn't find myself adjusting the volume throughout
the story was left open ended; I wanted to see someone cut up and fed into the food processor ... not so good

as a school project, I'd give it high marks for technical quality. for entertainment value, the spooky mood was maintained throughout, which brings the score up a little, but since nobody got sliced and diced, it was disappointing in the end.

p.s. I'm kidding about the food processor, and none of my comments should be misconstrued as a plug for the Amazing Ginsu Knife. Just my opinions, of course.

... it slices, it dices, ... all for just $19.95 ... but wait! There's more ...
 
I liked it...good camera work, good sound. I agree that the ending seemed somewhat incomplete, and you might want to shoot a more dramatic ending, but that's just me.

I also want to know how you got Ron Howard to play the bad guy in a short? With him, you should be thinking feature!

Chris
 
Chris, you SOB :lol: If I could count the number of times I've been told I look like Ron Howard... well, actually it's probably around ten times or so. Anyway.
Okay, this feedback helps me a lot. I'm really surprised the camera was not too noticable, because I was just holding the cam. That's good to hear.
As for the plot, yeah, you're probably right. The inference doesn't make for a very shocking end. And now that I think about it, this could all be really good lead-in for one horrific surprise shot at the end. But what? Hmm... :hmm:
 
I'd suggest a Hitchcock ending ... you could be waiting behind the door with a knife, followed by some crafty camera shots and angles, ending with some sickening noises and a stream of blood running across the floor. No need for special effects.

Nice camera work, BTW. I wish you hadn't revealed it was handheld, because I take a hard stand against handheld cameras. Now I'm forced to hate you. I hope you won't take it personally. ;)
 
Thanks guys, I'm very encouraged by this feedback. All my actor friends and family were just like... yeah, it's cool. Nobody appreciates my art. And oakstreet- any man worth his salt has an enemy. We are officially archrivals. Video forever! Or until I make some real money!

PS - a new thread on the script of my next project here. Also love to hear feedback for it. See if any of my concerns are felt by anyone else, etc.
 
Any movie that stars Conan O'Brien is awesome! :D







But seriously, it was incomplete for my tastes. You set it up that Conan was following the girl, but then seemed to pick a random room instead. Then some other guy shows up the next morning and enters the room (the door being unlocked both times). I am waiting for an explaination of what happened in room 106, but instead you end it.

Also, you relied too heavily on the music to set the mood. I watched it a 2nd time with no sound and almost all it's "horror" disappeared. You need to be more creative with the lighting and camera angles to set the mood... not just creepy music.

Just my 2 cents. :)
 
Chris, you SOB :lol: If I could count the number of times I've been told I look like Ron Howard... well, actually it's probably around ten times or so. Anyway.
Okay, this feedback helps me a lot. I'm really surprised the camera was not too noticable, because I was just holding the cam. That's good to hear.
As for the plot, yeah, you're probably right. The inference doesn't make for a very shocking end. And now that I think about it, this could all be really good lead-in for one horrific surprise shot at the end. But what? Hmm... :hmm:

Well first change your name to Run Howard or Ron Howeird to get the crowds in!

And for the final, how about the guy walks into the apartment only to find you mixing bloody mary's, and he says, "damn it Clyde, I told you I'm not gay and to stay out of my apartment!" and change it to a comedy!


Chris
 
Good points, Robert. I could have used a shot of the girl getting into her room safely; that might have been nice. As for the lack of horror, yeah, perhaps. I'll keep that in mind.
Good thinking Chris, I like where your head is at, but I have bad news- you're fired. Unpack your locker and pick up your check from Betty. Scratch that, I'm keeping your stuff and your check.
 
The film has a creepy feel to it and you have good pictures in low levels of light. The creepy soundtrack made the film more sinister and be better if there was more of a storyline or if i knew more about the context.
 
Yeah, I'm really getting a feel for what worked and what didn't. It's especially apparent without the sound that the camera work is kinda dull. And the story definitely needed just an extra bit of fleshing out.

Well alright, this has been immensely helpful. Hopefully I'll shoot another short before my project so I can try to correct my mistakes here.
Thanks guys.
 
Isn't feedback wonderful? But seriously- kudos for the bravery to come forward and ask. That's the hardest part.
 
Eh, that was no beating. I'm new; there's no criticism too harsh for me. I think it could have even been harder.

I have envisioned how I would correct the ending, and may very well have to film it. I see:
-A shot dollying to the right as the room-mate from the end enters from behind the camera, picks up mail from the table and sits on the couch just as the camera centers on that point. A half-beat later, the killer walks from the right to behind the guy on the couch, and the camera just goes out of shot for a sudden motion. Perhaps a swipe of black matches the dolly, or a fast-cut to match the sudden action.
-Black reveals to back of killer's coat walking away from the camera in the hall. He pauses at the next door... reaches onto the handle. End.

And possibly between those two shots, some kind of gore shot. Considering a close on killer's mouth as he bites a piece of flesh drenched in blood, which I could do with a slab of raw meat and coloring perhaps. Or maybe a shot of the roommate's hand grasping on the couch, and the killer's blood-drenched hand clenching it.
Yeah?
 
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