One of the disciplines of writing spec scripts as opposed to writing for ourselves is, you are forced to write the film and not the script.
By this I mean many indies see the script mainly as dialogue that happens in a location -- for example:
INT: LOBBY - HOTEL MARIMBA, MEXICO CITY - NIGHT
BRAD (22) a handsome guy, walks to the desk.
BRAD
Can I have the keys for room twenty-three?
RECEPTIONIST
Certainly... Is...
BRAD INTERRUPTS:
BRAD
Are there any messages for me?
RECEPTIONIST
I'll just check
HAZEL (43) a stunning blonde walks over.
HAZEL
Hi Brad.
BRAD
Hazel! What are you doing here?
HAZEL
Looking for you, stupid!
Now although there may be enough information on this page for an indie to shoot the film, there isn't enough to sell it and I would argue that there isn't enough information for the actors to give anything but flat performances.
In order to take the sequence from dialogue to a representation of the film on paper, we need to be much more specific in terms of what we describe. This is misleading referred to as "the action" when in fact it is more complex than that and is more akin to a novel where the "action" is in fact telling the story.
INT: LOBBY - HOTEL MARIMBA, MEXICO CITY - NIGHT
In Mexico City this passes for a high class hotel, lots of marble and mahogany, but even this is slightly shabby. Even at 2am the leather arm chairs in the lobby area are stuffed with drunken Gucci clad Mexican Businessmen and their Wives, taking advantage of the late bar.
In from the street staggers BRAD (22), a shaggy haired Kurt Cobain look-a-like. He's in poor shape. His face cut and bruised -- his once smart Hugo Boss suit is ripped, scuffed and covered in dirt. -- He self consciously drags himself to the desk -- unfazed by the disapproving stares of a Dyed Blonde Mexican Trophy Wife.
At the marble topped desk, he makes a vague effort at smarten himself up. Locks eyes with the Receptionist, makes it clear that he wants to pretend everything is OK.
BRAD
(forcefully)
Can I have the keys for room twenty-three?
The receptionist reaches for the key, but can't take her eyes off Brad.
RECEPTIONIST
Certainly... Is...
BRAD INTERRUPTS:
BRAD
Are there any messages for me?
RECEPTIONIST
I'll just check
HAZEL (43) a Prada suited blonde storms through the lobby door -- homes in on Brad like a Cruise missile -- furiously sprints as best she can in Jimmy Chooo heels -- grabs his shoulder and aggressively spins him to face her -- She's furious.
HAZEL
Hi Brad.
Brad swipes her hand away -- his reply drips with sarcasm.
BRAD
Hazel! What are you doing here?
Hazel slides a small 22 calibre purse gun from her Moschino handbag -- sticks it in his bruised ribs -- he winces with the pain. -- She stares at him coldly.
HAZEL
Looking for you, stupid!
By doing this level of description we are not describing what we see (another common indie mistake) we are telling the story. We are showing the interaction between the characters and their environment.
Now this also raises another point. In the first version there is no conflict and hence no drama. Many indies make the mistake of thinking that conflict exists only within the dialogue and yet as you can see, there is lots of conflict in the filmic version and yet the dialogue is identical!
Conflict doesn't mean arguing or even using conflictual language, it is about having two characters in the same room with conflicting objectives (period).
By this I mean many indies see the script mainly as dialogue that happens in a location -- for example:
INT: LOBBY - HOTEL MARIMBA, MEXICO CITY - NIGHT
BRAD (22) a handsome guy, walks to the desk.
BRAD
Can I have the keys for room twenty-three?
RECEPTIONIST
Certainly... Is...
BRAD INTERRUPTS:
BRAD
Are there any messages for me?
RECEPTIONIST
I'll just check
HAZEL (43) a stunning blonde walks over.
HAZEL
Hi Brad.
BRAD
Hazel! What are you doing here?
HAZEL
Looking for you, stupid!
Now although there may be enough information on this page for an indie to shoot the film, there isn't enough to sell it and I would argue that there isn't enough information for the actors to give anything but flat performances.
In order to take the sequence from dialogue to a representation of the film on paper, we need to be much more specific in terms of what we describe. This is misleading referred to as "the action" when in fact it is more complex than that and is more akin to a novel where the "action" is in fact telling the story.
INT: LOBBY - HOTEL MARIMBA, MEXICO CITY - NIGHT
In Mexico City this passes for a high class hotel, lots of marble and mahogany, but even this is slightly shabby. Even at 2am the leather arm chairs in the lobby area are stuffed with drunken Gucci clad Mexican Businessmen and their Wives, taking advantage of the late bar.
In from the street staggers BRAD (22), a shaggy haired Kurt Cobain look-a-like. He's in poor shape. His face cut and bruised -- his once smart Hugo Boss suit is ripped, scuffed and covered in dirt. -- He self consciously drags himself to the desk -- unfazed by the disapproving stares of a Dyed Blonde Mexican Trophy Wife.
At the marble topped desk, he makes a vague effort at smarten himself up. Locks eyes with the Receptionist, makes it clear that he wants to pretend everything is OK.
BRAD
(forcefully)
Can I have the keys for room twenty-three?
The receptionist reaches for the key, but can't take her eyes off Brad.
RECEPTIONIST
Certainly... Is...
BRAD INTERRUPTS:
BRAD
Are there any messages for me?
RECEPTIONIST
I'll just check
HAZEL (43) a Prada suited blonde storms through the lobby door -- homes in on Brad like a Cruise missile -- furiously sprints as best she can in Jimmy Chooo heels -- grabs his shoulder and aggressively spins him to face her -- She's furious.
HAZEL
Hi Brad.
Brad swipes her hand away -- his reply drips with sarcasm.
BRAD
Hazel! What are you doing here?
Hazel slides a small 22 calibre purse gun from her Moschino handbag -- sticks it in his bruised ribs -- he winces with the pain. -- She stares at him coldly.
HAZEL
Looking for you, stupid!
By doing this level of description we are not describing what we see (another common indie mistake) we are telling the story. We are showing the interaction between the characters and their environment.
Now this also raises another point. In the first version there is no conflict and hence no drama. Many indies make the mistake of thinking that conflict exists only within the dialogue and yet as you can see, there is lots of conflict in the filmic version and yet the dialogue is identical!
Conflict doesn't mean arguing or even using conflictual language, it is about having two characters in the same room with conflicting objectives (period).
